Truly nothing more exciting, more refreshing, and more optimistic than the start of a new year. Everyone but the Chinese have a twinkle in their eye that reflects their newfound hope for a better future. The Chinese will whoop it up for a new year come January 29th. But for everyone else, this is our day! Our day to take a deep breath, take a good long look in the mirror, and then slowly release for about 7-10 seconds to relieve anxiety. After a prolonged stare, say aloud, “Hey! You! Yeah, you ya fat fuck. What, another rebuilding season?! No! It’s time to become a franchise quarterback of your own life. Why? Because it’s the Year of the Greg, that’s why.”
I entirely understand if I’m the only one who does this each year.
New Year's Resolutions
Tacky. Trite. All the same. We all take the same approach to New Year’s resolutions as we do to a random Monday in May. This is when I get it all together. I’m fucking sure you will you bum. See ya behind me at the Taco Bell drive-thru next week.
Those words above are the words of a warped young mind that has been left in 2024. The words of man who saw the world through a straw. Now I’m on the other side of that straw-looking gun barrel staring back at the world with a Walter PPK – James Bond style, of course. I’m a man ready to win the mornings. That’s New Year’s resolution numero uno. Next, it’s time to drop some lbs. My knees can’t pop when I stand up at 180lbs… can they? And before I can bite off more than I can chew, my third and final resolution? Blog more! It was between that and flying, but I decided to challenge myself and go for the tougher of the two.
Keep Your Eyes Peeled
While 2025 is the Year of the Greg (and of course the rest of us), it is also the year of the snake. Beware of tall grass this year, y’all. We need to watch out for the false the narratives, the wolves in sheep’s clothing, and especially unruly toddlers. They will all either metaphorically or physically bite you in the shin, and there might not be someone around to suck out the venom. I beg of thee, stay away from websites like DealDash. Abigail did not get her Toyota Camry for $27.94. She’s a paid actress drowning in her own lease. And lastly, I implore thee – leave that debt behind! It’s a New Year which means new debt! Go out there and make some large payments what the hell! And ignore those late notices that show up in your mail more and more frequently. Those are so 2024.
New Year's Predictions
January 1st always has me feeling a bit like Baba Vanga, a swanky old Russian broad. And not just any old swanky Russian broad, but a blind one, too. Some say she is a bit of a prophet and many of her predictions, some good and some unfortunately tragic, have come to fruition. I’m only here for the good, and the good is all I’m willing to predict.
- A loved one, whether it is yours or mine, is going to come into some real money soon. Generational money.
- A funny animal will become a social media sensation, following in the humble footsteps of Moo Deng and Pesto.
Big Time Rush will have a reunion tour.- A child will be born pure. He will be the Saviour of the beaten and the damned. He will lead those chosen to a land of milk and honey, or he will join the black parade. Whichever happens first.
My Final Resolution
Eerie headline above, isn’t it. But that is not what I mean. I want to list my final resolution heading into 2025. There is a ton of not-so-great, very bad things happening in the world – almost every day now it seems like. And while I can’t combat every little event that happens each day, I can try and spread a little positivity of my own. At least once a week, hopefully two, I want to write a blog, a Good News Issue if you might, about something positive happening in the world today. It’s not all bad, it’s just what makes the headlines, and I want to bring to light all the good that isn’t making the front page. Stay tuned, and Happy New Year!