Some Bucket Lists
The land of the free offers anything and everything you could ever hope to receive from under the sun. Opportunities. Wealth. Cars from around the world. A college education at the cost of a murderer’s bail. The McGangbang. The list goes on and on and on. It also offers us a chance to take a peek into what once was. Whether it be an unearthed fossil from 65 million years ago or an amusement park that fell to ruin 30 years ago because the general population stopped finding it amusing. The past has a history of making itself relevant each and every day whether you are aware of it or not.
Objectively, some of the past is simply cooler than the other parts. Stories of an overthrown monarch are cooler than how surrealism in art came to fruition (sorry Dali). While that might make me a criminal to the art-history community, I’m sure most people would agree with me. In the same vein, there are abandoned sites that are much more interesting and exciting than others. After searching through the great wide web for the most interesting sites that the U.S. has to offer, these are the four abandoned places I would like to visit the most.
City Methodist Church (Gary, Indiana)
I mean, who the hell doesn’t want to be anywhere Shia LaBeouf has been. Formerly known as the largest active Methodist church in the Midwest, this site has been host to numerous films, including Transformers: Dark of the Moon. This gothic cathedral has been abandoned for 50 years, and still holds up plenty… structurally. As crime began to increase within Gary, many of the white-middle class families relocated and huge maintenance costs with zero support from the congregation led the church’s inevitable decline. It has not operated since 1975, but the building itself has held up incredibly well considering it withstood a Decepticon attack.
Now if only we could take this abandoned church and drop it into New York. Say maybe 30 minutes away? Then again, it’s all about the journey to the destination. I’m not entirely sure what else Indiana has to offer other than City Methodist Church and the Indy 500, but I do know that this place is a bucket list item I would love to check off.
Hudson River State Hospital (Poughkeepsie, New York)
Originally known as the Hudson River State Hospital for the Insane, this site has a special spot in my heart. Having driven past this hospital dozens of times, I have always been itching to go in and check it out. The place is enormous, and while an area as large as that has many access points, police and construction crews have always occupied it. Hudson River State Hospital shut its doors for good in 2012 but was threatened once before in 2007 when a bolt of lightning struck the building, causing one of the more serious fires Dutchess County, NY has ever witnessed. Then in 2018, a fire was intentionally lit in the main administration wing of the building.
Yes, where anywhere nice piece of unoccupied property is, a freak arsonist with a room temperature IQ can always be found. But I have no malicious intent. I just want to see some cool artwork and get scared opening some closed doors. I just want to check it out. New York State – throw a dog a bone.
Eastern State Penitentiary (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)
Another Transformer’s (Revenge of the Fallen) It would be wrong of me to not toss in an incredibly creepy and supposedly haunted site into this. Eastern State Penitentiary has graciously hosted some of the most notorious criminals in history, one being Al Capone. A less famous but equally as dastardly is Pep, the dog that murdered Governor Pinchot’s wife’s favorite cat. The poor lad was even subject to the same mugshot procession of other criminals.
The penitentiary closed in late 1969 and has since been a cultural staple in the ghost hunting community. It has been featured on Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, and MTV’s Fear. If (and when) we go check out this place, I will certainly consider bringing a sleeping bag. And maybe a gun. Not sure yet.
Jazzland (New Orleans, Louisiana)
Jazzland – a name that ran its course in two years before being reopened as Six Flags. This abandoned amusement park was as functional and popular as any other Six Flags in the United States. The only thing that separates this park from the others is that the other parks didn’t have Mother Nature coming through and fucking everything up. After Hurricane Katrina ran a train on the state, the devastating impact it had left was just too much to overcome. Although efforts were made, New Orleans ultimately opted to not renew its 75-year lease with Six Flags.
The place fell to ruin, but as of March 2023, an agreement was finally reached to redevelop the park. Hopefully, it is reopened as Jazzland. What a name. This also means we have limited to no time to get to Louisiana and check this site out. I don’t want to see a functional roller coaster. Gimme a broken and disparaged one. Maybe with some cool graffiti?
Honorable Mention - President's Park
I mean this is literally the Mount Rushmore of abandoned sites, being that it encompasses all of the presidents. After an unsuccessful attempt at creating a park filled with the marble busts of 43 of our past president’s heads, the heads were moved to rural Virginia. Being that they weighed somewhere between 11,000 and 20,000 lbs. each, this was a onetime project. They went to the big field in the sky (rural Virginia) where all the oddly large marble heads of president’s go when they die. I was never a paintball playing kid, but I have to imagine that President’s Park would be the peak of paintball parks. Now if only they had a Biden and Trump one.